He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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