:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
