i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
