Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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