if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
