I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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