Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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