I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
