it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
