can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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