Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Be still, my beating vagina.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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