Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
