Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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