i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
