can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
