wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
