A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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