So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
