I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
