i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
