friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
