Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
