Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
