I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Randomize
