I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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