I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
