We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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