just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
