I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The beer is more important than you right now.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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