i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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