Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
