I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
