I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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