I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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