my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
