The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
