This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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