I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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