i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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