I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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