I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
