If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
