I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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