If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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