You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
