I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
