I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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