Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
