i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
