he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
